I realized in my senior year of high school that I present best when I write things down beforehand. It wasn't until I took AP French and IB English that I truly began to fear being called on in class without having prepared answers on the paper in front of me. This fear eventually evolved into one of public speaking.
When I attended my first spoken word open mic night at BusBoys & Poets, the performers left me awestruck. I immediately felt a surge of inspiration rush through my veins and later that week, found myself writing original content. I wanted to share the material, desperately. What I'd written was so special to me and I felt that I could in turn encourage other people to share their thoughts. However, I also developed a fear of recording myself through video. Something about seeing myself on camera, speaking, rubbed me the wrong way.
I've had difficulty sharing my work because of the two fears I've just shared. It's not easy to consider myself a poet, a writer, an artist, if I'm terrified of mediums like video cameras and microphones. But I've found comfort in my own home recording studio.
GarageBand has allowed me to vocalize these poems, bring them to life, without having to show my face or get up on a big stage. Since this realization, I've uploaded my proudest poem to SoundCloud.
You can listen to it here, or by clicking the play button below.
There is something empowering about hearing my own voice. I like the way I sound confident, the way the words flow off my tongue so easily. In real life, I find myself stumbling over my words more and more. With audio recordings, I am allowed to stumble, re-record, and find satisfaction in what I produce.
I'm sure I will get to the point where I am comfortable with public speaking.
For now, expect to hear my voice through your speakers.