Good afternoon, everyone! I'm writing this in the midst of a fairly stressful realization that many of the things I engage in on a day-to-day basis don't have my full attention. There are a lot of things that I find myself doing, now that I'm back in school, that I don't care about. At all.
This realization may have dawned on you early on, perhaps in high school or your first year of college. School isn't for everyone, but I do believe that learning is. Schooling systems don't take into account our inherent need to grow, work at our own pace, and make mistakes.
I need to be able to make mistakes.
My path to self-growth and development has been anything but linear. I've "regressed" in many ways - fallen back into old routines and allowed old people back into my life even when I knew better. I've had to learn the hard way, but in my opinion, that's the only way for me.
I don't feel like I have a lot of room to make mistakes right now. As I'm approaching graduation in 2019, I'm worried that I'll spend the next two years in a distracted haze. I'm losing interest. I daydream about leaving school, or at least being done with, and having infinite time and space to create on my own timeline.
How did I go from a summer of complete liberation and lightness to a new semester riddled with stress and expectations I didn't set for myself? How did I go from creating and meeting my own expectations to worrying about meeting the ones that other people created for me?
If I am truly capable of cultivating my own inner peace, I should be able to do so despite the external around me. I should be able to return to center even when things outside of me are spinning. I should, I can, and I will.
But that doesn't mean that this test of my abilities and focus isn't difficult.
My point here is that if you feel stuck, limited or confined in the ways that I do, the answer is not to give up. It's not to give in to your external environment and throw away all the grounding practices and rituals you've developed.
Now is the perfect opportunity to implement everything you've quietly practiced and integrate them into your busy, seemingly uninspired life. Meditation is not incompatible with school. Ideally, I wouldn't need to balance both, but while I'm on the road to my bachelor's degree, I'm going to.
I know what that quiet place in my mind feels like. That fuzzy yet crystal-clear feeling that I get when I focus on my breathing and the flow of life running through my body never goes away. I know inner peace and because of my familiarity with it, I know that I can return to it whenever I want.
And that's exactly what I plan to do.
Regaining focus is only difficult when we tell ourselves it's impossible.